Erik's Guardian Angel
by Omnipotent Girls
Summary: Erik gets a guardian angel- not a conventional one, either. Hops between bookverse and movieverse like a mad rabbit. Rampant ErikMeg.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is being typed up by Blayze, AKA Girl Numero Uno. She assures you that this drivel was a work of two authors, and that she wishes not to be held resposible for most of it, as Gen corrupted it. At 1 in the morning. Yes, it was a crazy endeavor. Yes, it's really bad humor. Bear with me.  
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At first, there was nothing. Well, nothing but a dank, nasty lake/sewer/thing under a lavish opera house, home to an insane genius who had been called many things,  
but was currently trying out 'Opera Ghost' as his official title, which was interchangeable with 'The Phantom of the Opera'. One must pause to wonder why this phic is being written in English, but as soon as One asks the authoresses, One is smacked over the head while the taller one screams "We're doing it in ALW form at the moment, stooge!". As the taller authoress has proceeded to completely run away from the topic screaming 'CHICKEN! CHICKEN!', we're to assume that the story is finally getting it's rear in gear.

Ahem. A woman dressed in short shorts and a tanktop randomly appeared in this dank lair. The dank, nasty lair. The dank, nasty, uberspiff, cold, wet, gloomy, creepy,  
tricked-out batcave-like lair. Ahem. The woman was of average height and had short red hair. She had appeared quickly, and just as quickly had fallen on her ass with no semblance of grace at all. She jumped up and spoke into the darkness.

"Ohkay, 1870/1881. Paris opera house, Underground lake... Lookin' for an Erik, Phantom of the Opera. 'Ello? Dude?"

A man jumped from the shadows, attempting to choke the woman with a Punjab Lasso.

The woman seemed to become transparent, and she jumped away.

"Woah, dude! No strangling the guardian angel! Bad doggy! Bad!"

"Guardian angel?" The man' voice was chocolate, it was exctasy, it was an angel's, it was so beautiful and pure...that the tall authoress promtly fainted and had to be revived by a crowd of minions.

"Yeah. I assume you're Erik? You need one, Mister Noose-happy." The guardian angel pouted.

Erik snarled. "Guardian angel. Hah! I believe in no such thing!"

The angel put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Well. _that_'s the kind of thing I wanted to hear. Just popping in to say 'Hi' and y_ou don't believe in me_. Thanks. A lot."

Erik just stared at her.

"Every time you say 'I don't believe in angels', God kills a sheep! You're killing poor, innocent sheep!"

Erik stepped back. "Daroga? Insane girl, in the lair. Help, please."

A man in persian robes strode into the lair. "This is a _problem_?"

"Is everyone against me?" Erik asked... the ceiling.

The persian shrugged. "Not really. Why would we be?"

Erik, had this been a roleplay, would have -facepalm-ed. Had this been an Anime, he would have sweatdropped. As it was, he just rolled his eyes.

The woman crossed her arms. "Why are you ignoring me? I'm not invisible!"

"I'm going to pretend you are." Erik said rather nastily.

"See, this is where my self-esteem goes down. Poof. You people don't even try to make it go back up...sheesh." She looked upset.

The persian looked at the woman. "...What is she _wearing_?"

She looked down at herself. "What? Shorts, shirt, important bits covered... there is nothing wrong with my outfit."

Erik rolled his eyes. "That's no better than underthings."

The woman and the Persian looked at him. "...How would you know?" They asked in unison.

Erik looked mildly flustered. "Well...Er...Mlle. Giry doesn't come down here, or anything-"

"And to think I was talking to her a few hours ago." The persian shuddered.

"That's sick. She's eons younger than you." The woman made a face.

Erik blushed- not that you could really tell... "Erik shouldn't have said anything."

"That's WRONG!" The woman said, shaking her head.

"Oh, be quiet!" Erik said irritably.

"She's what, fifteen? She's not even _legal_!" The woman made retching motions.

"Explains why she's always gasping and screaming his name." the Persian said to her.

"True..." The woman said.

"Not like that! NEVER like that!" Erik said desperately.

"What's your name?" The persian asked the woman.

"Alice. What's yours?"

"I don't have one." Sad look. Finally catch up to Erik.

"Erik, you're lying. Again." The persian said.

"Coulda been worse. Coulda been Little Jammes." Alice made another face.

"Ugh! Not her!" Erik protested.

"Uh-huh..."

"Anyway, who cares about her being legal. It's not as if she's going to..tell...anyone... Darn. I did not just say that."

"You actually..."

"Mme. Giry would have a _fit_ if she found out!" The persian grinned evilly.

"She won't. SHUT UP." Erik did not like that grin.

"Mme. Giry will find out. No one can fool her. W hen she does, she'll cane your ass into the lake." The persian disliked that cane very much.

"I'd _pay_ to see that!" Alice exclaimed.

Erik scowled. "Some guardian angel you are. I'd like to see her try."

"I could go get her!" Alice was practically jumping up and down.

"Go jump off a building and die." Erik said sullenly.

Alice smiled. "You don't deserve me."

Erik grinned. "You're right. I don't. Good evening. Bye."

Alice swore at him. "I'm not going anywhere except to tell Mme. Giry what her daughter's up to."

Erik grabbed Alice by the arm. "No you don't!"

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Yes, well. As I said, utter weirdness.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yes, the tall one's back. And yes, there's more of this drivel.

Discaimer: Don't own Erik, The Persian, Meg, Chrissy, or any other PoTO characters. Don't wanna own Raoul le Fop.

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To recap... Erik grabbed Alice's arm to keep her from spilling his dirty secret to Madame Giry.

"Leggo my armo!" Alice shreiked.

The Persian and Erik stared at her.

"Don't ask..." Alice said, and quickly bounced off to find Mme. Giry. She was thwarted- heh.Thwarted. Thwartythwartthwar- Oh. Ahem. She was stopped by the Persian.

"Hey! Don't! It'd ruin him." Good old loyal persian man. With no name.

"Well, then he'd better flatter and appriciate me." Alice said firmly.

"Like a cat?" Asked Erik.

"...I've got my work cut out for me, don't I?"

The persian grinned. "Yep."

"Thought so."

The persian picked up a large book. "This is the owner's manual. Don't feed him sugar, keep him away from the fop, etc."

"Oh dear." Alice's face fell.

"Yes, it's a bit long." He gave it to Alice, who stumbled from it's weight.

"I'd better get reading..." She sat down and opened the book.

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Meg had been having a bad day. First off, the new- obviously in love- managers tried to draw attention away from their obvious prefrences by pointing at her and Christine and making comments- which really hadn't gone over well with Maman. After that, Buquet had tried to shut Carlotta up by dropping a scenery peice on her. He had blamed it on Erik, but Meg knew Erik wasn't able to see the practices this morning. Then Maman had shown the new managers Erik's note, and they'd thrown a hissy fit about not having a star, and Christine sang- and it wasn't quite fair, because she had been a rusty hinge a few months ago! She'd ask her about that.

But now, she could go down and see Erik! So the day was beginning to look up. As she stepped off of the last stairs to Erik's home, she sighed happily.

"Erik? Hello?'

"Erm...Hello. I'm a bit busy now." He called up.

She frowned. Nope, day back in the dumps. "Oh. Well, how?"

"Company." He said apologetically.

"I thought you didn't let many people down here. Who is it?" Her curiousity levels switched into overdrive.

"Well, dear, an old friend and some other excuse for a human being..."

Alice glared at Erik. "I classify as the old friend, don't I?"

"No."

Before another temper tantrum broke out, the persian decided to say something. "Bonjour, Madamoiselle Giry!"

Meg was surprised. "Who are you?"

"I'm known as the persian." He said, once again sad that he had no name. Poor guy.

"Ah." Meg remembered him. He always lurked in the shadows and glared at her mother, mumbling about stealing parts and lines.

"Does your mother know?" Asked Alice.

_"What!"_ Meg was shocked.

"Yes, does she?" Alice smiled toothily.

Meg shifted nervously. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't deny it. I know Erik is your secret lover." Authoress numero uno claims no responisiblity for what just issued from Alice's mouth.

"Uh..." Meg blinked. She wandered down the stairs to go stand by Erik.

Erik leant over and whispered in Meg's ear. "I'm sorry, she's a bit..nosy. Maybe you could come down later?"

"No, it's all right." Meg had the glaring suspicion that it was going to be a long, long day.

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End chapter two, wot? 'Tis just maaahvalous, no? No, didn't think so.


End file.
